I’ve been googling again.
A dangerous pastime, I know. Googling your problems more often leads down the path of despair than to rosy outlooks. Or maybe that’s just me and the tendency to look for the worst accounts. See how bad the answer can really be.
It’s like straining your neck out the car window on the highway as you pass a wreck. Knowing that you’d hate to see a person there, but unable to look away without trying.
Or maybe it’s just steeling yourself against the worse possibilities. Protecting yourself from the shock of what could happen. Is that self-sabotage or self-defense?
In googling, I’ve read countless tales of moving abroad for a lover. Married, not-yet-married, moving together to a new country, moving to his/her homeland – you name it. And let me tell you – the accounts were not moving. Or they were, but they moved me to have the same, continued concerns as I did before I read them. Only now more verified. Or different. Oddly though, not more.
I’m not more worried now than I was 5 minutes ago, or 5 days ago. This just occurs to me now. It’s comforting, in some strange way.
And I think there will always be concerns. Moving overseas is big and scary and complicated. There are a lot of moving parts and changing tongues and a lot can go wrong. But a lot could go so, so right.
Imagine the life experiences to be had!
So many resources say – forget the relationship. Whether it succeeds or fails, image the incredible experience you will have had along the way. You’ve LIVED! You’ve done something amazing. Provided that you did it well – i.e. actually explored and experienced the culture outside of your partnership – the move is rife with opportunity to do something incredible that you might not otherwise do. Or that you would otherwise do, and now you’ve got a fantastic excuse to finally go for it.
One particular post I read, it wasn’t particularly profound in and of itself, but a comment stood out to me. They had things to say on the subject of the poster, sure, but this one line struck a chord with me.
“We tend to remember the naysayers… the ‘you shouldn’t because…’“
My god. That speaks to me in volumes about myself, my thoughts, my tendencies… my fears. There are so many why nots and they always seem so much louder. So much bigger than the shoulds.
I should move to France. I should live in the place I have loved and dreamed of for longer than I could find it on a map. I should learn even more of the language I’ve come to take as music to my ears. I should take a risk.