1 month. 4 weeks. 30 days.
The countdown is on.
I officially leave for Paris in exactly 1 month, on October 10th. In fact, at just about this time that day, I will be on my way to the airport with my multitude of suitcases.
With each passing week it’s becoming more and more real. Day to day, my feelings aren’t changing. But suddenly as 2 months turns into 6 weeks turns into next month… it’s real. I want to say I can’t believe it, but I can. There’s a strange calm that’s taken over me. It’s strange, but I like it.
When I moved to Wales (I promise I’ll stop talking about this one day) I remember feeling oddly blank right up until we boarded a plane and left the country. It was bizarre. Interestingly, my mother felt the same way as she came with me to go on a great adventure to help me settle in.
To provide some context, I should explain that I am normally a very anxious traveller. Even for the most mundane of trips, I get nervous and my stomach does flips, and I get all sweaty right up until I’m sitting in my assigned seat in my chosen mode of transportation. It’s not a pretty sight, and for those unfortunate enough to have travelled with me, I’m not much fun up until that point. Once I’m seated and I know I haven’t missed my plane/train/automobile, then I can relax and get excited.
The trip to Wales was an anomaly. I felt… nothing. Not excited, not scared, not anxious enough to pee 18 times before my flight… Nothing.
I was worried that the same thing might happen again this time. I didn’t want this amazing experience to be ruined by a void of emotion. I want to feel excited and scared.
Oh, what a relief to feel excited! It’s subtle, sure, and there’s a lot of things to think about and take care of before I go, but it’s there. I can tell.
I’m also scared. And that’s such a great feeling. It’s a good kind of scared, the kind you feel when it’s something you so want to do and are doing. It’s a little like a rollercoaster, when you’re climbing that big hill and you know (and don’t know) what will happen when you crest that peak… your stomach clenches, your teeth grin wide, you hold on tight….
I’m excited and scared and it’s coming up so fast. I’m ready the free fall.