Here’s the thing. With each post I write here, I set out to explore the issues surrounding a particular complication or worry I’m facing, or address the thoughts I’m having on the subject of moving. With every intention of taking a hard look at the facts and feelings. I even wrote a whole post about whether or not I’m even being honest with myself as I do it. But what I’ve noticed is that, from start to finish, I drift from worries and laying out the issues to convincing myself that they’re not really that big of problems after all.
I spend each post convincing myself that I needn’t worry.
Now, I think it’s reasonable to say that there’s a place for that. So much of what I’m worried about are needless things, or obstacles that are completely jump-able. So it only makes sense that I spend time working my way through and around the arguments I’ve irrationally set up against myself in my head.
However. In being honest with myself, (and in really, truthfully discussing my concerns) I must also be blunt. And thus far, I haven’t directly stated much of what could go wrong.
Many expats and moving-enthusiasts, when asked whether it’s a good idea to move across oceans for a partner, say “What’s the worst that could happen?!” Here it is.
The worst that could happen:
- I might not find a job
- I might find a job, and not be able to succeed, due to limited French
- I might hate living in Paris
- I might hate living with Frenchman
- My relationship might end
- I could end up alone overseas
- I might need to find an apartment by myself, or struggle to find a place to go
- I might have to come home
- I will have interrupted my career, possibly setting myself back
In a similar vein, there are many things about this possible upheaval that are difficult. They might not be the “worst” things that could ever befall a person, but they’re difficult nonetheless. While I’m at this, I’m going to list those, too.
Things that could suck:
- I would have to quit my job
- I would have to sell my car
- I’d have to get rid of a lot of my stuff- furniture, clothes, etc.
- I would be away from my family indefinitely
- My parents wouldn’t be able to visit much
- I would be living in a country that isn’t always friendly to Americans
- I would be living in a country where I don’t speak the language well enough
- I would be limited
Of course there are positives and negatives to moving overseas, whether it’s with/for a person you love or completely independently. I can understand that. And there are things that could be so utterly, completely, amazing about it that those ‘worsts’ just pale in comparison. I would hope that’s the case. But even so, I can’t ignore all the what ifs and worries that are very real right now, before finding out if it’s all worth it in the end.