Honesty Check

I have a tendency to get caught up. And lie to myself. And ignore things I wish weren’t true.

Do we all do that? When we truly want to believe something?

On the other hand, what about believing something until it becomes your truth? Same coin, different side.

I started this blog as a pipe dream, thinking it was just for fun. Planning to make it look pretty then let it get dusty. Until the day came that I actually did move to Paris and become an “Americaine” living there. Or until never. In the time since its creation, however, it has come to serve a different purpose.

I added a ‘maybe’ to the tagline.

This blog has become the outpost of my thoughts. The resting place for all my worries, my hopes, and the things I’m not sure I want to say out loud.

I may not be an Americaine in Paris yet, but I’m trying out the name, seeing if it fits. Does it make my butt look big? I’m not sure the title suits me yet, but this is the testing ground to work out how I feel about the idea. Does it bend where I bend? Does it poke me in the side in a way that I’d like to ignore but know that, in reality, I could never really get rid of that sensation that something wasn’t quite right?

This is the digital gut-check where I get to see if I’m really being honest with myself. If and when the day comes that I might have to truly consider moving to Paris, this is where I’ll come to visit my thoughts and see how they fit and if there’s a ring of truth to them. I want to be honest with myself, but you know, sometimes that’s just so hard!

So one day, I’ll revisit these posts, and test those feelings and see how they feel. Do they feel naive and poetic? Was I caught up in the romance of moving to the City of Lights and the Hollywood picture-perfect plot point in my love story? OR do these thoughts feel like truth. And honesty. And cautious optimism that making a move overseas could be the adventure of a lifetime (movie).

Sometimes you want things that just can’t be. But what if they can?


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